is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
