This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize