What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
