One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
