Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
my liver is dry heaving
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
