I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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