The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
