He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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