Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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