Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
