this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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