i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
