How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize