I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
