I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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