Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
