So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just want nice things and good sex
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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