Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
