Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
