Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
