Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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