he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
