Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
her vagine was all disorganized.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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