Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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