New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
