im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
