I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
