haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
