i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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