its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
