Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
