Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
