Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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