he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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