my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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