so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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