Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize