Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
