you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
