I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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