I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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