i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
