you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
