Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
