i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
