well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
