I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
