It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I don't deserve a penis
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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