its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize