you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I puked a lego.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
