this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
