I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
