Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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