Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
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