the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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