I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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