Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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