i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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