Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
