I puked a lego.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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