I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
