Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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