wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
