Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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