if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
