He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
