idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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