She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
