we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
